For Keon

[Haseo Epitaph]

Alright then, to begin with I'm going to list some tips and hits for you. Just to avoid having to flip back and forth between threads I'm going to repost the advice I've given you in the test fighting thread. This way you can refer to it without having to scroll through all the in character stuff. Makes it easier. Every time I give you a new tip I'll edit this post with it.

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Advice Tip 1: just as a quick note, your sentences are rather choppy and a few words seem to have been left out here and there, making it a little harder to understand the meaning of things. You're actions are jerky and ridged at best, though this might be Keon's design, there is no fluid transition between sentences and actions. Establishing this flow through use of transition words is vital to making the rp sound better. If Keon is jerky in his actions, use word to describe instead of showing the jerkyness through making choppy sentences. Some sentences appear to be run-ons in a few areas as well. There is great potential in this post of yours, you're just not all the way there with making descriptions. Take a look at my posts for examples if you are unsure. As the element of water, Keon is fluid and changes rapidly, the post should be the same way.


Advice Tip 2: yes this is better.^^ Detailed and with more info for the other poster to go off of. However the dimensional thing was a bit odd but thats just my opinion. I read his bio but I don't think there was anything in there about him being able to do that. Meh I guess it was a jutsu I didn't find yet, you got alot of jutsu threads lol. Lots of moving around, good idea to distract an enemy but here is a hint. Save your strongest abilities for last. Presenting a strong ability such as this so early in the fight before damage has been delt to the enemy is a bit of a bad idea. As of now Haseo can use that against you and force you to reveal more of your abilities.

It would be best to wait until Haseo has been damaged and his reactions are slower and he can't counter. Hit your enemy when they are down. I know it sounds dirty but there is a difference between dirty and g-modding. Part of the fight is to make the enemy come to you instead of you go to them. Force them to reveal their strength and weaknesses without revealing too many of your own. Save your best abilities for last. And observe the enemy more. Search for visual weaknesses. Stick to testing the physical limits first, then start using other abilities once you are sure of what you find. Just becareful not to bring OOC info into the battle. You might have read my bio and know my weakness but since the characters never met they know nothing. So you know this info but the character does not.


Advice Tip 3: nice, you definately are showing improvement.^^ There are spelling errors through-out the post though. I will admit I am not the best speller around, lmao, I get spelling nazied a lot by one of my friends whenever we rp but anyways. There is a spell check button on here you can use to check over your post before you submit it. But I never use it thanks to the fact it moves so slow, even on my laptop and often deletes my post. I suggest just simply re-reading the post before you actually submit it.

You know how the post is supposed to look and sound in your head so its easy to miss little things like leaving off a letter or having accidentally hit a wrong letter. So here is a piece of advice. Read the post backwards. Start at the end and go over the sentence backwards, it will help you find some of the most common mistakes. For extremely large and complicated words, unless you're using a ton of them then just do the best you can. I actually will pester whoever is in the room on how something should be spelled sometimes! Or just have a dictonary available.

Your sentences are becoming smoother and flow together easier than they were before. But I can still see some rough areas in there but those will gradually vanish as you continue to rp and gain experience. Some sentences are a little wordy, meaning there are unneeded words in there and other sentences are cut short when they could be longer. I know you're worried about run on's. A good way to combine two sentences without making it a run on is to use a semi-colon to join them. Just be sure not to over use them. Once again these are things which shall deminish in time. As you continue to rp and observe the rp styles of others around you. You'll eventually come to the point of developing your own little unique touches and twists to your posting style. As far as I'm concerned you got the basics down pretty well.

Now that you seem to have a handle on the basics, I'm going to increase the level of difficulty in the fight. If you feel overwhelmed let me know and I'll change things up to make it a little easier and give you some more tips. I'm use to battling with people I've known for years so my style in battle has changed and the intensity tends to turn very very quickly.


Advice Tip 4: Okay you did good but there is one thing you did that I wish to bring your immediate attention to. In the rp guide there is the form of rp which involves a player saying a little bit of damage hit while they attempted to counter attack or dodge their opponets attack. It also works for the person writing the attack to claim a little bit of damage hit in the beginning of the description of the attack and then trailing off to leave the rest of the damage up to the other player to decide what happened to their character.

Now then in your post you claimed you dodged Haseo's attack with the tail blade he has. That's fine. But then you went on to describe what happened to Haseo after you dodged the attack which was something not done to him by your character. You claimed that when keon dodged the tail blade smacked into the sword. It might sound minor but most people now a days, the younger crowd which is involved in rping is going to get irritated that you described something happening to their character and gave them no control over it.

I honestly do not care that you wrote about the two blades making contact. After all I myself am use to that type of rp style in battle. Not to mention its a minor detail. Now if you had continued to add on to the description and claimed the impact knocked the sword out of Haseo's hand I would have had something to say about it. But you didn't so you are good.

I just wanted to make you aware of this because as I said before not all people will take kindly to any amount of detail, small as it may be, being described about their character that they did not say was okay to happen.

Here is a good hint. Before starting a battle, talk to the person and discuss the type of rp style being used for the battle. Ask them ahead of time if small details such as the one here are allowed to be described by you. I always am sure to do this so as not to accidentally irritate the person I'm rping with and cause a scene. So, ask and you shall have the evidence to cover your ass. A nice little rhyme I made up and trust me it proves true.

So then, I shall ask you. I am okay with small little things like that being controlled because it is within reason. May I do the same thing? But as I said before and I cannot stress it enough, a lot of people are not comfortable with this type of rp style battle. Its something only the most advanced and confident people use.


Advice Tip 5: ~watch yourself keon. I noticed as the battle continues and only actions are taking place that you are reverting back to your old methods. Your sentences are getting shaky, more run on sentences are showing up, more words are mis-spelled, words are left out and the over all sentences structure is turning rather poor. It almost seems as if you're in a hurry with the typing of the post and thus it comes out like it did here. Its not a race, you're not going to insantly die if you don't crank out a post as fast as possible. Rushing gets you no where and makes for poor quality.

Slow down, take your time in writing things such as this. Remember, when it comes a battle rp in which actions can easily be mis-read by another person because they are trying to focus on what is going to be put into their post. People tend to read these types of threads and responses in a hurry. This type of thread is where you have to be as crystal clear as crystal clear can be. Spend more time describing the attacks, spend more time describing the entire thing. Also, try to employ other elements, other things which have been described in the other person's post. Take time to really think things through.

One last thing. We cannot keep dodging and evading each other's attacks forever. If we did that this thread would just go on until neither of us could think of a way to dodge and thus the entire fight was for nothing. Also, constant dodging in a row is considered a form of power playing. After about four posts of just dodging is right about the time when it begins to become too much and people can become frustrated. This is something I learned the hard way during my first month as an rper 10 years ago.

My character was all based on speed and agility thus I thought it was okay to just keep dodging and dancing around like mad as I'd seen characters based totally off of speed do in animes. Thats good and all but in the rp world do it too much and people think you're power playing. We can keep moving at high speed, but we'll have to start making physical contact at this point. But its okay, you're still learning. I figured I'd wait and see if and when you were going to say about me landing some kind of damage upon you. Now that our attacks are really getting up there, blood is going to be drawn. Since no physical damage has been delt by you or me, we need to start doing it. I wanted to see where you would draw the cut off line and say "okay damage needs to be done, this flipping around is getting stupid and pointless, we can't keep this up forever."

I was hoping you would have called this point already but seeing as you have not I am. This is one of the easiest things a person can over look, and thus, something which can get them into a lot of trouble even though they are not looking for it. Fights are a balancing act. Remember that. Just keep in mind after about four of your own posts, you should begin writing your character taking damage in the fifth post you make and then altering between taking damage, dodging, and counter attack in your remaining posts until the thread ends. A good pattern is one post of mild to mid range damage delt to you, then two posts of dodging mixed with counter attacks, then two posts of you attacking all out, then one post of a major blow and then just repeat the cycle.

Once a person initiates this cycle the other person will generally oblige you and return the favor if they are a decent rper. So this cycle shall begin now. Otherwise if we do not move on in this I will not be able to teach you about how to best deal with those types of situations involving what I just spoke about.

Oh by the way, Rock Lee is the fastest human around which would make your guy the fastest known human around since Rock Lee is now dead. Rock was fast but he never hit mac 1 speeds which is 767 mph. The human body even in the 8 inner gates state is incapable of handling that kind of stress. Haseo can withstand the stress because his body was built for it and as a different species he has a much higher endurance, but he can only keep this up for a short period of time still. I would estimate Lee's top speeds as far as movement at being inbetween 200 and 300 mph...closer to 300 when throwing kicks and punches but more so at 200 when actually running. Thus Keon would be the same. That is a TON of force behind those attacks at those speeds don't get me wrong.

But here is one of those points I mentioned earlier in which things such as character type, species, and powers need to be taken into consideration. In a straight out speed match with no dirty tricks, Haseo would beat Keon. But this speed has its draw backs, it takes him longer to stop and toppling him at those speeds will cause some nasty damage. Do not focuse so much on trying to outstrip your enemy, focusing on using their own strength against them. When you find yourself outstripped in a physical field, try making use of something else to counter it.

Haseo proved he's a speed demon and that he can at least walk on water. Speed is useless if you cannot go anywhere. Speed gathers and grows higher when there is little friction. But no friction would mean going no where at all because without friction there is no traction and no traction means that object is going no where. Use the element to your advantage. -hint hint- ^^

But this is all good that we are going over this now. Like I said this was going to be a major learning experience.

[Haseo Epitaph]

Okay, now then, time for the next lesson. I want you to write a post. It doesn't matter what its about or who it involves, I just want you to write a post using Keon or his alter ego. Make it as long as you want and it can be about whatever you want. Once you are done I am going to take your post and write it out again and post it. The purpose of this exercise is to show you just how much untapped potiental your posts have and how making a few changes with word choice and sentence structure can really ramp up a post.

I'm going to directly show and explain the style of rp I developed and you are more than welcome to take these examples directly and change them up as to how you feel they best fit you. I'm going to give you one more piece of advice real quick.

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When writing a post, one can make it more realistic by using real life experiences and situations they have been through themselves or they have seen someone they know go through. I often take many situations I've been through in real life and employ them into my posts, this makes the characters much more relatable and regardless of their species also makes them more human, more realistic, more believable.

Another thing I do is employ a lot of emotion in posts by playing off of my own emotions when the character is in a certian type of sistuation. If the character is aruging with a friend of their's, employ the emotions to that character you might feel if and when you had a fight with a friend about something.

When attempting to create a certian mood in a post, use colorful and exotic words to describe the surrounding area. If the mood is supposed to be depressing, perhaps you can describe the appearance of a gnarled old, broken tree which might symbolize how the character feels. If the mood is happy then describe the energy in the air, the energy the character feels in their body. If you are not sure of what the mood is going to be then describe a little bit of everything, or if you do not wish to give away a mood but only hint at it, then describe something occuring in the background such as the bustling of people in a village. Make use of symbolizing elements.